On Sunday I made the worst parenting mistake I’ve ever made. Earlier in the day, I went to church and sang beautiful songs to my God. I listened earnestly to the sermon. After the service I prayed with two ladies. We came home and fireworks exploded between one of my girls and me.
I could see this thing winding up and did pray. Then I bit the hook. I bit it so well that I said something I swore I would never tell my girls. And I didn’t just say it, I screamed it. It was ugly. It was beyond ugly. Within minutes of saying it I knew I had crossed a line I had vowed I would never cross.
I hung my head in shame. You couldn’t see Jesus in me in that moment. The lady from the morning church service was not there in the kitchen when those nasty words flowed from my tongue. No, Christians don’t talk like that. And so the apology to my daughter was followed by condemnation.
I did a fantastic job of beating myself up. So good that I don’t think the enemy even bothered to chime in. By the next morning I was debating shutting down this blog and quitting teaching at a Christian school. I’m a fraud kept replaying in my head.
Then out of nowhere I was reminded of what my pastor had said on Sunday, “Preach the Gospel to yourself.” Although he used it in a different context, the basic truth is the same.
What would the Gospel say to me? At the core of the gospel is love and forgiveness. God loved us so much that He sent His son to die for us so that we could be in relationship with Him. In order to do that, He forgives us of our sins, our shortcomings. Well, I needed an extra-large dose of that.
But He didn’t die a different death for my horrible behavior on Sunday and less of a death for a little white lie. No, He died once for all sin.
Honestly, I did not want to write this post. On my walk this morning the Holy Spirit was working overtime to convince me to write about what happened on Sunday. I was teetering back and forth. I could come up with a good list as to why me writing about my most vulnerable was not a good idea. He reminded me that I was to be authentic. Ouch.
As I was eating my Cheerios I looked at Facebook. Friends in Hawaii visiting the U.S.S. Arizona, I saw Matt Damon recap the Bourne movies to prepare the viewer for the movie releasing this Friday, and then I saw this from a former student:
I’m such a horrible person I never make things right all I do is mess up
I got up from the kitchen table, grabbed the computer, and began to write. I did leave her a comment, “According to Ephesians 2:10 you are God’s masterpiece! I don’t know what happened but I know you are the apple of God’s eye. Love you!” Followed by a purple heart.
I already knew but needed the reminder, I’m not the only one who messes up. We all mess up. I am writing this to hopefully remind you that when you mess up, you’re not alone. And I doubt that you messed up as badly as I did on Sunday. I guess I’m like Paul, the chief among sinners.
Friends, God offers forgiveness and not just forgiveness but forgetfulness. He tells us He will not remember our sins, they are as far as the east is from the west. That’s as far apart as you can get. He then puts up a “No Trespassing” sign. Don’t continue to beat yourself up. Accept His forgiveness. Don’t continue to condemn yourself because there is no condemnation in Christ, Romans 8.
We are forgiven! And God doesn’t remember our sin, He doesn’t hold it against us. He forgives and forgets! Praise Him for that.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 NIV
